Thinking And Cleaning

Tuesday 31 October 2017

I woke around 10 AM today.

I cleaned up again; I usually clean when thinking, I’m thinking of making a post about it, so I don’t want to go too in-depth about it here.

My depression hasn’t let up; I still feel my writing is as worthless as ever. I haven’t even bothered to try and write something today. I need to contact the dispensary to get a refill on my medication.

I’m going to either try to play a new game after I post this or read. Not much has happened today.

Happy Halloween everybody.

Exercise
Push ups: 30
Sit ups: 30
Handgrips: 02 sets of 25 – 50
Walking: 0001 steps – 00:00:01 Time taken

Reading

Join Me

Pages 311 – 311

Not read today.

A Place Called Perfect

Pages 295 – 295

Not read today.

Advertisements

Giving Up Writing A Story For Now And Depression

Monday 30 October 2017

I woke up at 10 AM today.

I didn’t sleep well last night, for some reason a wave of depression hit me. I think it’s because I felt like all that I write is worthless. As I was thinking about what to write, I realised in my reviews I have no deep insight or anything worth saying. I noticed the story I was writing wasn’t working out and now I have nothing I can really work on.

I looked at the story I was going to write in short chapters and came across the many things which ruined it; one of those “that can’t happen because of this,” and “that can’t work because if that happened then this would have happened preventing it,” and “why didn’t they do this?” I noticed I was writing something where even the main plot isn’t solid. I tried some other ideas and nothing worked, that story will just fail. I tried to think of some other stories and realised that what I came up with has no end goal, the main character has nothing to achieve, I can’t find anything else around that. I wanted something that can last for a while, maybe a year at most.

I talked to someone about it and found out that I wanted a story which would keep people interested and not find it stupid. When the main character finds out about whatever launches them into the world, it ends up being silly and the main character has no goal, they just find themselves in a world they don’t know; I mean when they find out, what do they do?

Between giving up on the stories and depression, I haven’t done much today except to think hard. I’ve settled on the short chapter story isn’t doable for me right now. So that means I’ve nothing to write about at the moment since I wanted to think about my novels and short stories so they have the best plot and writing I can give them and the short chapter story was meant to be something I can write quickly while thinking about the other stories.

Maybe I can’t explain it well but I feel worthless in my writing. I can’t even come up with a simple story that I can write short chapters for. I might just give up on writing for a while, maybe just say fuck it for a month. Maybe I might never return to it but this feels like a roadblock in my enjoyment, life and what I want to do.

Exercise
Push ups: 30
Sit ups: 30
Handgrips: 02 sets of 25 – 50
Walking: 0001 steps – 00:00:01 Time taken

Reading

Join Me

Pages 311 – 311

Not read today.

A Place Called Perfect

Pages 295 – 295

Not read today.

Thinking On Writing And OCD

Sunday 29 October 2017

I woke up at 09:00 AM today, which would have been 10 AM if the clocks didn’t go back last night. I will be trying to go to sleep earlier tonight as I don’t want to fall into waking up late again.

I’ve been annoyed with my OCD today, it interfered with my writing. I also started to feel like I need to re-think my story as I’m starting to feel like it’s not good enough.

The point of my short chapter story was to be able to write quick chapters, something I could write and edit in about an hour. I’ve spent a little more time on the first few chapters so I make sure I have explained everything correctly. I have a rough idea of where I want the story to go and have made sure to think carefully about the magic system. I think I need more time to fully plot out the main plot items and how they work. Maybe I might just stick to writing a few short stories instead of a larger story for now. Hopefully, I can do this soon, so I can at least know I can start writing when I want to.

Exercise
Push ups: 30
Sit ups: 30
Handgrips: 02 sets of 25 – 50
Walking: 2372 steps – 00:24:15 Time taken

Reading

Join Me

Pages 311 – 311

Not read today.

A Place Called Perfect

Pages 295 – 295

Not read today.

Thinking If I Should Post My Short Chapters Story

Saturday 28 October 2017

I woke up at 09:00 AM today.

I helped out with my niece, just keeping an eye on her.

I managed to write a little bit, I finished chapter 02, I might be able to start posting the story on Monday. I am wondering if I’ll be able to keep posting the story, the chapters will be short and I have an ending planned, however, the journey from start to finish might be long. I have no idea if I’ll be able to keep with it, I don’t want to start posting it when I might stop posting it. I want to do a lot of things and I’m thinking about how much time this’ll take. I started writing it as a way to write something short in-between writing other stories. Now I’m thinking about how long it might take to complete, will I still be writing it in five years? I don’t want to get halfway and then either stop or write the ending in a rushed way.

It’s something I’ve been thinking about this evening. I want to write a few novels and a few short stories, posting them might take a while, since it can take a few weeks to write a chapter, maybe even a month. With a shorter chapter story, I can write one or two chapters a week and have something quick to write in-between other stories. When I think about how long the story will be in the long run, I’m wondering if I think I can keep up with it, so I’m wondering if I should start at all.

What do you think?

Exercise
Push ups: 30
Sit ups: 30
Handgrips: 02 sets of 25 – 50
Walking: 2570 steps – 00:24:51 Time taken

Reading

Join Me

Pages 311 – 311

Not read today.

A Place Called Perfect

Pages 295 – 295

Not read today.

Writing And Preview Of A Short Story

Friday 27 October 2017

I woke up at 09:00 AM today.

I spent the latter part of the afternoon with my niece.

I have been writing today. I agreed to help with my niece over the weekend, which is when I was planning to write the most, so I might not be able to post a chapter by Monday, but I will try. I’ve been writing a short horror story today, I’ll post the first rough of it here; there will most likely be typos and what not.

Story

Names and places have been changed or omitted.

The following transcript is from the interview of First Lieutenant Andrew R. Holland, conducted by Dr. Aiden Carpenter regarding the events from xx-xx-xx to xx-xx-xx.

Carpenter enters the room and makes his way over to Holland who is sitting at the table in the centre of the room.

Carpenter: Good evening, Lieutenant Holland, I’m Dr. Carpenter.

Carpenter extends a hand which Holland takes; a slight shake is in Holland’s, he appears nervous.

Holland: Holland.

Carpenter: Please, relax. We merely need to know what happened, so we can best assess our current situation and how best to get you the help you need.

Carpenter: This conversation is being recorded and will be kept within these offices for authorised personnel, I’m sure you know this, but I want you to have a full grasp of what is happening. I want clear transparency on both sides.

Holland: I know.

Carpenter: What I’d like is simple, if you’d please; go over the morning you left until the day you were found. In as much detail as possible, nothing is too small to be overlooked in this case.

Holland looks from side to side then down to the glass of water in front of him.

Carpenter: In your own time, Lieutenant Holland.

Four minutes and three seconds pass by in silence.

Holland: The morning began like so many before it; Dan… Second Lieutenant Daniel Abbot had woke me up. He didn’t mean to, I’m a light sleeper… always had trouble. He was a man of a cheerful disposition, he was very lighthearted for a majority of the time; I think that’s why I liked him, why a lot of people liked him.

Holland: He was getting dressed, getting ready to go into the mess hall for breakfast. He saw me sit up in my bed and after he’d finished tying his laces, he gently kicked the foot of my bed. “Come on, meet you down there.” He said. I knew what he meant and as he left the room I started to get dressed, after checking myself in the mirror and getting a glass of water, I headed down to meet him.

Holland: The mess hall was empty save for the two of us at the time. We were usually always the first ones awake at this hour; him by choice, ever the early riser, always used to say “Earlier the better.”, me, not so much, I still say “Grab sleep whenever the bitch lets you.”

Holland: We grabbed breakfast, both of us the same thing; fried eggs, beans, sausages, bacon, toast, mushrooms, tomatoes, the only placed we different was in the drink, I had black tea, he had coffee, milky. Half the time I didn’t know how he managed to fall asleep with all the coffee he downed that day… maybe he was always tired and coffee helped him stay awake until his face hit his pillow.

Holland: We were talking about frivolous early morning stuff. We’d say anything to make conversation, just something easy to talk about while we ate; movies we managed to watch; the storms we’ve had, if we had any; the new music we liked and which songs were the best; we once played a game of eye spy when we noticed we had fuck all to talk about that morning.

Holland: We were joined by several other officers by the time we finished eating. We stayed for about 10 minutes longer, just finishing up our conversation that morning over the remainder of our drinks. We were talking about remakes, whether it was worth remaking movies.

Holland: We passed Second Lieutenant Jonathan Holds and Second Lieutenant Lucas Kip. They were in the middle of a discussion and didn’t notice us, but it happens a lot when you’re into something, you don’t take notice of half the people who pass you.

Holland: We did our duties, as usual, I was checking stock of ammunition and carting various loads around, you get asked to do all sorts around here, as you well know.

End for now

Exercise
Push ups: 30
Sit ups: 30
Handgrips: 02 sets of 25 – 50
Walking: 2809 steps – 00:28:07 Time taken

Reading

Join Me

Pages 311 – 311

Not read today.

A Place Called Perfect

Pages 295 – 295

Not read today.

Writing And Watching Thor: Ragnarok

Thursday 26 October 2017

I woke up at 08:00 AM but I stayed in bed and watched a few videos until 09:00 AM again.

I went to see Thor: Ragnarok, I just got back from the cinema, it’s 23:11 now. I enjoyed it, Marvel films can be generally relied upon for some light-hearted entertainment. First time in a while I didn’t get popcorn while at the cinema, I wasn’t too hungry but it helps since I’m trying to eat healthier lately.

I wrote for most of the morning and early afternoon. I’m thinking of writing a few new short horror stories. I think I can write a few in between chapters of the story I’m writing now. I’m enjoying being able to write more. I am thinking of posting two chapters a week of the current story I’m writing since they’re meant to be short chapters.

Exercise
Push ups: 30
Sit ups: 30
Handgrips: 02 sets of 25 – 50
Walking: 1051 steps – 00:11:15 Time taken

Reading

Join Me

Pages 311 – 311

Not read today.

A Place Called Perfect

Pages 295 – 295

Not read today.

Writing

Wednesday 25 October 2017

I woke up at 08:00 AM but I stayed in bed and watched videos until 09:00 AM.

I went on Shadow of War, and I managed to do a few more missions and take over a fort, I seem to be playing it a few missions at a time, I think it’s because I’m writing more I want to get back to it.

I managed to write some of chapter four, I will be going to edit chapter three tomorrow. I have a rough idea for what I want to happen in the first five chapters; hopefully, I can finish those by Monday.

Exercise
Push ups: 30
Sit ups: 30
Handgrips: 02 sets of 25 – 50
Walking: 4757 steps – 00:46:39 Time taken

Reading

Join Me

Pages 311 – 311

Not read today.

A Place Called Perfect

Pages 295 – 295

Not read today.

Writing And Thinking About Adding New Exercises

Tuesday 24 October 2017

I woke up at 06:00 AM but managed to fall back asleep at 07:00 AM and woke up at 09:00 AM.

I haven’t gone on a video game today, so I’m planning to go on Shadow Of War when I post this.

I’ve been writing for most of the day, so far it’s going well. After I play Shadow Of War, I’ll either read or write.

I’m thinking of increasing my exercises to see if I can handle them.

I’ve not got much to talk about today.

Exercise
Push ups: 30
Sit ups: 30
Handgrips: 02 sets of 25 – 50
Walking: 3577 steps – 00:25:17 Time taken

Reading

Join Me

Pages 311 – 311

Not read today.

A Place Called Perfect

Pages 295 – 295

Not read today.

Ordering New Shoes

Monday 23 October 2017

I woke up at 07:30 AM today.

I went into the larger town and looked around for some shoes; I managed to find a pair I liked in the first shop I went into. They didn’t have them in my size so I ordered them to be delivered. They should be here by the end of the week. I hope my old shoes don’t fall apart before they arrive.

I didn’t write or go on video games today. After I got back I had a headache, so I just tried to relax by watching videos. I’m going to try and write tomorrow.

Exercise
Push ups: 30
Sit ups: 30
Handgrips: 02 sets of 25 – 50
Walking: 5585 steps – 00:47:15 Time taken

Reading

Join Me

Pages 311 – 311

Not read today.

A Place Called Perfect

Pages 295 – 295

Not read today.

Writing And Playing Shadow Of War Again

Sunday 22 October 2017

I woke up at 07:00 AM today.

I’m trying to eat healthier and I think I’m succeeding. I do occasionally eat some sweets or have a fizzy drink but I’m eating much more fruit and drinking more water.

I wrote again today, it’s going well. I don’t think I’m going to get the first chapter out tomorrow. I think that I will be able to write at least five chapters by next week.

I played on Shadow Of War in the morning. I managed to do a few more missions and defeat the war chiefs in the area I’m in. I heard it’s a long game, so at my pace, it might take a while.

I’m going to get some new shoes tomorrow as my old ones are in bad shape.

Exercise
Push ups: 30
Sit ups: 30
Handgrips: 02 sets of 25 – 50
Walking: 0001 steps – 00:00:01 Time taken

Reading

Join Me

Pages 311 – 311

Not read today.

A Place Called Perfect

Pages 295 – 295

Not read today.